Steve: "I wanted to hang myself with a tie."
Me: "not the cupcake tie!"
Steve: "No, I wouldn't be caught dead in that."

Me: Maaark! Can you fix my camera? 
Mark: "Cupcake. If I fix this, you owe me Sweden."

Me: "So I texted Steve and said that if there's a magic sentence a woman can say to make a man fall in love with her, now would be the time to tell me."
Kat: "Fancy anal?"

Fawcett: "My mum calls me a dirty stop-out sometimes!"
Kat: "yeah, my mum calls me that as well!"
Steve: "My mum calls me a mistake."

Kat: "That's what I'd do if I had nipples."

Me: "Pigs are really intelligent!"
Martin: "Yeah, but they are also pigs."

Ellie: "Your phone is sooo Gossip Girl!"
Me: "Thank you!"

Kirstie (to Kat, about 90210): You know the guy she accused of rape? Well, he's planning to actually rape her!!
Ben: Woah! I thought that was real for a second! I was like; what did he say?!

Me: Andy! Your sticky willy needs a trim!

Me: I'm surprised I didn't pass out as some point actually!
Lewis: Yeah, I threw up in my mouth this morning.

Morgan: What language do they speak in Tokyo?
Me: Um.. Japanese.
Morgan: Am I the only one who didn't know?!
Me: What did you think they spoke?
Morgan: Tokyonian!

About bullying on a sex education program: "I once had a girl put a knife to my throat and tell me that all gay people should be shot."
Amy: "I'd say: then why are you holding a knife?"

Ellie: "I said to someone at work that if you say orange slowly it sounds like 'gullible' and he did it, hahaha!"
Amy : "Did you know 'gullible' has been taken out of the dictionary?"
Ellie: "HAS IT?!?!" *paus* "Oh my God, I hate myself!!"

Ellie: Mate, if this mussel had a cock it would split you in half!

Laura: "Hitler was such a prick!"

Andrew about "Vampires Suck": 'You can't mock Twilight! That's like laughing at a kid with Down's Syndrome!'

Tony: "I'm glad I'm not wearing make-up right now, or it would be aaaall over the place!"
Kat: "That's the GAYEST thing you've EVER said!"

Andrew: "If someone asked me to play soggy biscuit I'd say 'let's play poo plum' when they ask 'what's poo plum?' I'll say: I'll take a shit and you eat it."


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